So it’s not the holiday season anymore, but I needed some time to make sure I got my thoughts together instead of posting right away. Happy 2016 to all of you and I hope it has been going well for you so far. Here’s the “Christmas Special” if you will of this series in progress.
Like the songs go, “It’s the most wonderful time of the year!” …for most of us.
My holiday experience wasn’t so bad this year, it was actually rather enjoyable. I got to spend time with my family on Christmas, eating and opening presents. It’s been that way for the 23 years and counting of my life. My parents and I continued with our tradition of going to both my grandmother’s houses since that is homebase for the rest of my parent’s siblings.
Once all the cousins, aunts and uncles arrived we caught up with each other, enjoying small talk and light subjects; nothing to spoil the cheery mood. Smiles were everywhere and the younger kids were running around with their goodies brought by Santa. There was not once a quiet moment during family time. Spanish and English were blended into a humming language all its own, ‘Spanglish’ where no one could tell what language you were using anymore. Not that it mattered, what you said was understood anyway.
So what was the problem?
As I sat there enjoying a piece of pumpkin cheesecake, I looked up and noticed how ‘apart’ I felt from everyone else in the room. My cousins were talking amongst each other, sibling with sibling in familial merriment. My aunts and uncles were laughing about something in the kitchen, brothers and sister laughing together. I saw their obvious closeness after living together for so long and just in short, being related.
Everything whirled around me as I even saw the younger cousins playing with their siblings, sharing toys and carrying them around. The voices murmured in my head like monotonous “bwah mah bwahs” like the adults from the Peanuts. Suddenly I was behind a glass wall, pressing up against it and fogging it as I stared at the scene of all the siblings that surrounded me. I was the only Only Child in that house.
A sudden loneliness had struck me then. Rather, a more appropriate term in this case would be ‘Onliness‘, something I had read in an article written by a fellow only.
The onliness had cut me so deep in that moment that I had struggled to keep it together. So many times before this happened to me in the past but I could never pinpoint it until I finally had perfect term to label it with.
Before, I would tell my mom in tears that I felt lonely, and bless her, she always tried to console me saying that she was there and my dad too. It was never loneliness that had bothered me; it was Onliness.
The feeling of not having someone to complain about relatives to, or agree on when our parents are being impossible because in my mind, that’s what siblings do. They’re a team who sticks together, even with all the fighting/arguing that happens.
The Onliness fell away once I was distracted by my thoughts and Christmas went on as usual. I would say the trick to getting over Onliness is to just appreciate what is in your life now, and the sadness goes away.
After the hub-bub and calamity that come from the aftermath of being around so many people, it’s nice to come home to some peace and quiet. It may just be me, or maybe being an only child has something to do with it but I enjoyed myself more in the simple and quiet company of my parents rather than being lost among the noise of relatives. Being able to just lounge on the sofa and watch Christmas movies with my mom and dad was perfect and relaxing, I wouldn’t have wanted to spend Christmas any other way.
This, I would say, is an upside to being the only kid in the house. You are closer to your parents than anyone else you know. Even when ‘Onliness’ might hit, it is only a fleeting emotion that comes and goes in life.
It feels so good to be blogging on my bed again! Finally I’m done painting and moving the furniture around in my room so I can enjoy sleeping on my bed instead of the sofa. I still have things laying about here and there but it’s a good thing to go over them so I can decide on what to keep and what to sell. Thanks to everyone who read my previous entry of ‘Only’ that can be found here. I still have other things to mention about this topic so stay tuned for more installments! Thanks so much for reading!