Hello everyone, I know I’ve been away for awhile. Not because of a lost interest of writing or anything too serious, in my own life at least.
I was out of town for the past few days because of a sudden death in the family. I wanted to wait until I came home to update the blog because during this time, there was a lot to think about. Earlier, I wanted to write about mortality but the words never found their way out. It was too soon, too raw. Now after everything is done, I’ve had time to reflect on how I would write this.
Besides taxes, death is certain. It happens to everyone, young and old. Poor or rich. It doesn’t exempt anyone. So even though we know that death will happen, how do we cope with it everyday? I mean, I’m not cowering under the covers in my room, refusing to go outside or interact with anyone because I’m afraid of the inevitable silence to my physical body. How do we as humans still live life, even though we know we will meet an end someday?
This relative died before her parents. She was my age, had similar interests to me and was an only child, also like me. When my parents and I went to her family’s house I had this sense of guilt being there. I had surprised myself when I felt this because I didn’t know why I felt guilty. I thought maybe, I was shoving it in her mom’s face that I was alive while her daughter wasn’t. It might be ridiculous, it might not. But being there, I felt guilty for being alive, plainly put.
Throughout the whole process of the mass, the funeral, the burial, I was standing on a different plane of existence. I was absorbing all these different emotions and thoughts of what death really was, especially when it happens to a young person. During the church service, I found myself disagreeing with one thing that the pastor had said during his sermon. He was blunt with his explanation of death and how it was inevitable for everyone. I cannot quote him verbatim on how he said it, but it was along the lines of this:
Dreams and goals are a waste of time. During life, we will never have enough time to do what we want to do, so focus on the little things. Do good for others, appreciate your family. Don’t be distracted by bigger ambitions and fantasies.
I don’t disagree with the whole statement, but when I heard him say it I thought it could be phrased better. Of course we should celebrate the little things in life! Sometimes, it’s the little things that bring us the biggest joys in our lives. Anything that puts a smile on your face is worth celebrating being alive. What I believe he was trying to say was that we shouldn’t let ourselves be consumed in chasing selfish ambitions that will do no good to anyone. We shouldn’t focus on material items, nor place importance on them. I had read somewhere this phrase:
“Those who love people, use items. Those who love items, use people.”
In cherishing the time we are gifted with, we need to spend it with the right people, and right priorities. We need to not live in fear, but in confidence that we are living and breathing for ourselves and those we love. Breathe freely my friends, because even though our time is limited, our happiness and potential are limitless.
At the end of it all I was depressed. I wanted to celebrate life instead of fearing death. Isn’t that what we all do every single day?
Soon, I realized that this was real life. That while one life ends, a new one begins. Wounds will eventually scar over time and memories will help remembering the ones that are gone.
Her mother whispered a piece of advice to me while I gave my condolences.
“Live life to the fullest.”
“I will try.” I told her. Try, because no one is certain how full life can be until you try. It’s the least I can do while I am gifted with some more time.
To those of you who had messaged me in concern of my whereabouts and just checking in, thank you, I am fine. 🙂 I am sorry for being away from home for so long. It’s good to be back. Now, I need to catch up on other blogs to read other’s input that they are sharing from their own lives.
Thanks for reading everyone, until next time!